Navigate the Ladder of Conclusions with Emotional Agility

Yesterday’s post was about the Ladder of Conclusions, and my wife Janise asked me: “How does one react when they realize they have succumbed to the vortex of the internal Ladder of Conclusions?” What a great question to explore with all of you today.

Just a quick review from yesterday’s post:

Going up the Ladder of Conclusions is a chemical certainty for all of us, but we need to understand what is actually going on internally:

• Bio- Reactions: Conversations take place at the chemical level first. Judgements are made almost instantly. About 0.07 -1.0 second is all it takes to form an opinion of someone or a situation.

• Feelings: Next, we label our interaction with “feel good” or “feel bad” emotions, leading to “I can or cannot trust you.”

• Thoughts: Then comes attaching words to these feelings. We often make stuff up to make sense or fill in the holes in our mind. Now we have created a story in our head.

• Beliefs: Now once we have our stories made up, we pull in other beliefs we have about the situation or person. We draw from our past experience and we affirm our thoughts in this level.

• Conclusions: When we reach this level of the ladder, we block-out other people and their opinions. We stop seeing or hearing other points-of-view. Judith adds: “Human beings are just rapid judges. We love and are fast to judge. It is our hardwired nature to do so in order for us to protect ourselves.” 

If all of these happen instantly inside your head, do you have any chance of navigating such a rapid response? I believe, with practice and constant mindfulness exercises, you can. 

Let’s work on a couple of stages as we navigate the ladder. I will focus on Thoughts and Beliefs.

Thoughts: The moment bio-reactions trigger us into the labelling game, take a few deep breaths and slow down the internal labelling process. Play with your own vocabulary a bit, ask yourself what’s the best word to label what you’re feeling. Just by asking this question, you are now engaging the part of your brain (prefrontal cortex) where imagination, creativity, empathy and visioning resides. THAT POWERFUL PAUSE OF ASKING YOURSELF A QUESTION has effectively broken the rungs of the ladder! 

Beliefs: By choosing words wisely, you now change the tone of the narrative. It also changes the way you are filling the narrative gaps of your thinking. These gaps are crucial as they impact the stories in your head. This pragmatic thinking will now create more intelligent stories and memories, in turn providing sensible beliefs. 

In her book, “Emotional Agility,” Susan David calls it “Showing Up.” Coaches help people get a clearer perspective of what’s in front of them. Showing Up is the purposive exercise to over-clarify in a pragmatic, reality-based manner what is really observed and experienced by one’s senses. 

By engaging in the intelligent and creative activity of “over clarification,” the brain’s chemistry is altered. Oxcytocin (the human connection hormone) is activated and starts to flood the hypocampus (where memory is stored), neocortex (where frameworks and patterns are developed), and finally the prefrontal cortex (where we process stimuli, memory, knowledge patterns towards a judgment and conclusion). Now new, pragmatic, and productive thoughts and images are possible. You have just hacked your Ladder of Conclusions!

At this point, you have a greater chance of dealing with the present—with intelligence and composure—no matter how unexpected, scary or unpleasant it is.

Try these out today and give yourself a break in case you trip up the ladder. 

Practical tip:

Curate and limit your social media exposure. It is a virtual mine field of traps and triggers.

Engage in creative things. Converse with people. Get into active movement despite the different—often limited—living space realities we all have during the lockdown. Try some meditation and prayer; you will be pleasantly surprised. And, most importantly, embrace/honor yourself completely—faults and imperfections included. 

Be well my friends and choose your words wisely.